I am currently in a Bible study of the Ten Commandments. I went to the study today with a burning question.
How do you honor your father and mother if they are not following Biblical mandates, and they cause undue stress and problems for you because they don’t?
From studying the Bible, I don’t think we age out of honoring our parents.
In Mark 7:8-13 this becomes very clear when Jesus said, “You skillfully sidestep God’s law in order to hold on to your own tradition. For instance, Moses gave you this law from God: ‘Honor your father and mother ,’ and ‘Anyone who speaks disrespectfully of father or mother must be put to death.’ But you say it is all right for people to say to their parents, ‘Sorry, I can’t help you. For I have vowed to give to God what I would have given to you.’ In this way, you let them disregard their needy parents. And so you cancel the word of God in order to hand down your own tradition. And this is only one example among many.” (NLT)
Our study book says, “The Hebrew word for ‘honor’ means ‘to regard as weighty.'” And, “All human authority—parental or governmental or otherwise—is delegated from God, the true source of authority.” (The Ten Commandments: A 12-week Study by Douglas Sean O’Donnell p. 50)
Family Life Today has a good resource online. They begin with what the apostle Peter said about “not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9) They also quote “Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you, turn the other cheek, and so on.” And continue with… “In Matthew 5:44-47, Jesus asked if you only love the people that love you, then where is your reward? How are you any different than the heathens?”
Family Life says:
“Love for a hurtful parent doesn’t come from our own abilities. It comes from the supernatural love of Jesus who died for us even while we were undeserving sinners (Romans 5:8) Through the power of the Holy Spirit we can choose to love those who we feel don’t deserve it. You may feel that by honoring your parent, you are excusing his behavior. But remember that no evil will escape God’s eyes or go unpunished. Romans 12:19 says, ‘Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.'”
And here’s more from their article:
“You need to honor your parents not because you think they deserve it, but because God asked you to.”
Here are ten suggestions they give to accomplish honoring your parents:
- Forgive their transgressions.
- Extend mercy.
- Share the gospel.
- Appreciate the good things.
- Do something as an act of kindness.
- Choose to speak kindly of them.
- Consider writing a tribute.
- Teach your children to honor and extend mercy to their grandparents.
- Pray for the parent who mistreated you.
- Keep your parents connected with your family.
Under that last title they say, “Don’t leave your parents out of your life, even if they are antagonistic toward you. Continue to send cards and pictures.”
That may be some ways to follow up, but I will go further and say, sometimes the safest way to honor is to set boundaries and avoid direct contact. To me it is abusive to deal with someone who is antagonistic towards you, and I don’t believe the Lord requires us to take abuse.
Here are some scriptures to support this:
- Ephesians 5:6-7 (NLT) “Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey Him. Don’t participate in the things these people do.”
- Ephesians 5:10-11 (NLT) “Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.”
- 2 Timothy 3:1-5 (NLT) “You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. They will betray their friends, be reckless, be puffed up with pride, and love pleasure rather than God. They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!”
- Below is a link to the full Family Life Article
- https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/life-issues/relationships/honoring-your-parents/how-can-you-honor-parents-when-you-feel-they-dont-deserve-it/
It is a hard road when you have to be careful to honor parents who are not following the Biblical mandates for parenting. Everyone makes mistakes, but sometimes mistake after mistake can roll into a huge nasty pill that is hard to swallow. I’m thankful for God Our Father who supplies us with strength to be kind and fulfills our parental needs.
Sometimes I feel fear since the “Honor Your Father and Mother” commandment gives long life as a reward if you keep that commandment, and I’m not sure I’m doing the right things. Then I go to John 10:27-29 (NLT) “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, for my Father has given them to me, and He is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father’s hand.”
Have a great week resting in your Father’s promises!